Standin' up and shouting...or blogging, anyway (or: a guest post from ER, about love, lesbians and life -- and why lesbians [and gay men] should be allowed to have all of the above)

A few months back, I wrote about one of my best friends "coming out" to me in college. This friend, ER, an all-around fabulous person, is now happily ensconced in a great marriage to the love of her life, Sara. They live in Wisconsin, in a house they purchased together, with their cats and a dog -- and they are happy. Sounds nice, eh? Well, it is.

Here's the thing that apparently throws a good portion of America: ER and Sara are both women and (GASP!) have chosen to spend their lives together. It pisses me off more than it is possible to express that there are people out there who feel the need to look down on two people for loving someone of the same sex -- and it confuses me to no end that if church and state are separate...and if marriage is, in a legal sense, a contract between two sane people...that this commitment isn't (for the most part) legally or socially recognized in the United States.

That said, I do recognize that everyone didn't grow up in a household where they were taught not to judge (thanks mom & dad!). But I certainly wish they did. In any case, ER is taking over today as a guest blogger. Enjoy her story:
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As Sandra has mentioned in a previous post, she and I were roommates in college. When I came out to her in the middle of the night I was still a baby lesbian. I hadn’t even gotten as far a Jill Sobule, to have “kissed a girl”. All I knew was that I would be happiest if I was able to share the rest of my life with a woman versus a man. Well, fast-forward two years, many kisses from women, a few girlfriends and slight bit of maturity and I found her. Enter Sara, my wife. We started dating, got serious, had fights, laughed, and then 1.5 years later moved in together. We, like most other couples, had a plan for the future. The following things were to happen in the coming five years (2003-2008), not necessarily in this order:

1. Me: finish my Masters in Social Work.
2. Sara: get her Masters in Business Administration.
3. Get married.
4. Buy a house.
5. Stabilize careers.
6. Have kids.

Look familiar? Not too strange for a couple in their mid-twenties these days. Well, I was apparently not living up to the five-year plan as Sara started to get antsy about when we would get married. She picked a fight with me, crying that if she didn’t have a ring and we didn’t start planning the wedding soon the five-year plan would be lost. This just one week before I was taking her to Chicago, for a “Christmas Present”. My friends Mike and Mary had helped me set up a proposal consisting of dinner at the John Hancock, a carriage ride, and night at a hotel on Michigan Ave. My point? We are just like any other couple deciding to spend their life together, we fight about timelines. And for your information, we have -- as of today -- accomplished numbers 1, 2, 3, and 4. We are working the last two with 1.5 years left to do so! Not bad.

Anyway, we got “married” on December 31, 2004. This was only 59 days after the state of Michigan determined it was unconstitutional for the state to recognize any marriage or substantially similar relationship between two people other than one man and one woman. Basically, we stood up in front of about 100 friends and family members and defied the law…why…it was in the five year plan…and… it was what the two of us felt, beyond any doubt, how we were intended to spend our lives…together.

Sandra, a supporter of mine since last that fateful night in East Lansing in 1998 and now one of Sara’s biggest fans has agreed to post here the opportunity for others to help us stop this same ban in our new state, Wisconsin. This ban reads:

"Only a marriage between one man and one woman shall be valid or recognized as a marriage in this state. A legal status identical or substantially similar to that of marriage for unmarried individuals shall not be valid or recognized in this state."

Through these two sentences the state of Wisconsin will not only end our quest for our dream to be recognized by the state as married but will harm many other families. It just goes too far. This will make it difficult for us to protect our children and will prohibit us from protecting each other. Please consider making a donation to Fair Wisconsin to stop this ban that will hurt real Wisconsin families. Wisconsin is a progressive and forwarding thinking state and the state that could turn the tide in this fight for equity. [note from Sandra -- it's on my sidebar]

Thank you, Sandra, for your friendship and support.

Comments

[Egan]

This is a very touching story ER and Sandra. I'm so happy to read stories like this about a loving couple, gay or straight. I have three siblings that are gay and I'm so sick and tired of all this anti-gay wedding stuff.

ER, I don't know much about you, but I do appreciate you sharing an intimate and personal story. Don't let the politicians get you down. I will be happy to join in the fight against this nonsense. Thanks again to both of you for this post.

[The Gay Non-Ex Boyfriend]

What an amazing post!
From both of you!
We shall survive!

[Dustin]

This is the new civil rights issue. Anyone who disputes that is blinded by their own ignorance and will be shunned by future generations just as we shun racists and bigots from by gone eras. Thats all I can say without getting too worked up.

P.S. ER, thank you for sharing. You give me hope that my own friends can achieve their own 5 yr. plans!

[Alissa]

ER thanks for sharing your story and Sandra thanks for giving her the platform! I will definitely be checking out the link and making a donation. I'm so glad you found someone like Sara to spend your life with - good luck on the last two points of your 5-year plan!

[ER]

Thank you all for your support and for commenting on the only blog I have ever done. Allies like Sandra and many of you are what end this kind discrimination.

Egan: thank you for joining in!
Mike: Gloria Gaynor did it so can we!
Dustin: A civil rights movement has never been won until members of the majority have joined with the minority! Thank you!
Alissa: Hopefully the next post will be about second parent adoption and how it should be a national standard! Thanks!

[Elaine]

I love this post. Very touching and from the heart.

[sandra]

Egan - I think it's ridiculous too. I just don't get it. At all.

Mike - love you. And yes -- yes you will.

Dustin - totally agree with you on that one. 50 years from now, people will be amazed that this was ever an issue.

Alissa - yay!

ER - glad I could help, at least a little -- and hopefully it's nice to see that people who have never met you are pulling for you, and what you stand for.

Elaine - aww, thanks!

[communicatrix]

Done, babies.

Came here via Carly, who is a righteous babe for many reasons, only the least of which is her going to Vegas witchoo. In fact, I came very close to making my donation in her memory. Except she's not dead. Plus, it would just be weird.

So I made the donation in memory of my dead father, who was a staunch Republican and big, old Catholic. Hahahaha! I win!

P.S. I'm going to post a link to this on my site, too. Maybe one of my five readers will kick the pot up to $40K...

[shari]

Late to the party -- sorry! But we are fighting like hell to get an end to that very discrimination here in Washington State, too. It infuriates me as an attorney handling adoptions, that I am forced to maneuver around the law rather than working with it to allow families to become families if one parent is the same gender as the other. Best of everything to you both, ER and Sarah!